American public education was gutted years and years ago, and this is the result.

What a wonderful group of infinitely patient and incredibly well-informed women and men this was/is. I built a reputation as a clever youngster in business back in the seventies that was based on “no, but I’ll find out,” thanks to these fine souls. I am delighted to hear that they are still there, and will try to make…

Good lord, the poor man isn’t comfortable speaking to complete strangers on the phone using some sort of scripted greeting, so sounds stilted. How he can be expected to become LESS stilted with all these people pointing, criticizing and actually TAKING AWAY HIS INCOME, I cannot imagine.

There’s particularly delicious fellow who lives on my block, with lovely hair that has gone a little thin on top. He sports a man bun and it is utterly yummy. Clearly an improvement on the comb-over, and I for one am delighted at this alternative to the scary crew cut.

No, artificial insemination is done a lot, not always frozen.

My niece and nephews (effete East coasters) spend ALL THEIR TIME “making” things (you know, with gears and tickers and winders and flashing lights and stuff) and competing with their robotics clubs. Oh, and rocketry too. THERE’s some explosives. Everybody’s falling all over themselves with delight and talking about…

Did anyone actually see her PAY for the food? I'm betting the world was gawping at her in horror instead of collecting her money.

We saw my father through his death just this spring, 13 years after a massive stroke that had left him both helpless and (worse) speechless. It was a mercy at the end, but it seemed to take so much longer than I had ever imagined. I am so sorry for you and your family. Stay by his side, consign him and yourself to…

When the long-time super of my apartment died, I went to the wake. He was propped into a sitting position in his coffin. This is not what my people do. Fortunately, I was able to remove my eyeglasses (ah, myopia!) and maintain an appropriately respectful, slightly mournful mien. He was a truly lovely man.

Why do you say Flanigan and Gawker say Williams?

I didn’t even have the vocabulary to know what was happening. I was tragically ill-informed,

Yes, I drive one for the unparalleled dog-crate capacity (almost everybody else has curved their corners), combined with the space beneath and 4WD, which I require for occasional driving through swamps. It’s pretty cushy to actually drive around in and the mileage is decent, and otherwise I’d have to go over to the…

Now I can picture nothing but your strangely elongated (and gropey) testicles. Damned right I don't want to sit next to you.

The murder mystery book store on Greenwich Ave in the Village had one. Partners & Crime. Those were the days!

Please, it's toed the line.

I'm pretty sure you could arrange a discreet dribble onto the stoop in a way to hide all evidence should anyone come looking. I will gladly share my plan with you.

I once called 311 because there was utterly maddening, window-rattling helicopter noise that had gone on from about 9 pm to 2 am, and you can't tell ME that there was an axe murderer on my roof. I wanted to know who to complain to about this, as you would imagine that the FAA or somebody would have something to say,…

Why, once I was chatting with my own dear mother - okay, complaining bitterly about this and that. I exclaimed "Why didn't you just strangle me at birth?" "Well, I always assumed that eventually somebody else would do it for me," she replied.

Many years ago, I had a wicked stepdaughter who watched me interestedly as I prepared to go to work. "What's that?" she says. "Wrinkle cream" say I. She thought a bit, looked at me with evident skepticism and asked, "Does it WORK?" She didn't like me very much, but then again, neither did her father!

I saw the first, and thought, well, I don't ALWAYS dress like that, then saw the next, and the next... I confess to switching from one to another of these on a regular basis. Except I don't dress as I did when I was 18, as I was rather a glamor-puss then.