To the tune of “Trapped Under Ice” by Metallica:

Hooning, starting to thaw
Sinking, downward I fall
Can my Land Cruiser swim?
Find out! I’m cracking the ice!

Something tells me they were aware of the situation.

Hey just chiming in to ruin your article. campfires routinely reach temperatures of 1500F and this is not remarkable at all

Wait...you are expecting Jalopnik/the sites formerly known as Gawker to use Actual Journalistic Standards in their reporting?

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Click bait headlines are just the start.... Full on bias blows Fox/Reuters out of the water. Good luck though.

This ^ is how a headline is supposed to work.

I’m sure had he made a joke about this guy being a dumb liberal that there would be about 25 angry replies right now.

Clearly a Hillary voter.

Who knew that shining a laser at something was a surefire declaration of political affiliation. Feel free to keep marginalizing the people that came out and voted him into office though. That worked so well during the campaign.

I wasn’t aware that pointing a laser at a helicopter was a 100% accurate way of determining someone’s political affiliation.

How many more days before this ends? I know most Americans have a half life of 10 seconds of attention span, so it shouldn’t be much longer before the snowflakes are back to snap chatting pics of their junk and sexting.

Thanks, Obama!

Well they turned those kids into felons

Brakes are a heluva lot cheaper to replace than a transmission.

Only psychopaths do this.

Or you could just show up in a Mustang golf cart and the other golfers will just let you play through, if they know what’s good for them.

The “pornstarescortservice” in the URL didn’t give it away?

I honestly didn’t know anyone on the Jalopnik staff was of driving age in 1997.