I was so nasty to the graphic designer who made our wedding invitations.

And this is why, as a graphic designer, I absolutely refuse to design anything wedding related. Getting married seems to bring out the absolute worst in people.

The couple seem like the sort of people who:

I listened to a podcast about this recently and I think a lot of it has to do with pregnancy. Medical professionals are hesitant to do tests and trials with women because of horrible things that have happened with women, fetuses and babies in the past. I think the best example was that morning sickness med in the 50s…

Aside from the prices, Ikea has this reputation as an Experience. You don’t just go to get furniture at Ikea, you quest through a Labyrinth-like maze to find your one specific bookshelf, fight the goblin king for the right to take it home, and then put it together under a haze of gin and Swedish meatballs.

IKEA is extremely affordable, and offers decent minimalist design. Usually furniture that cheap is extremely ugly, but IKEA furniture is just plain. When my partner and I had to buy a bed and a coach, the cheapest IKEA pieces were all that we could afford, and they don’t look awful and tacky the way almost anything…

Yeah, there’s this huge gap in furniture buying—either you buy some particle-board garbage from Walmart that falls apart if you look at it wrong, or you spend so much money at a big-box furniture store that you have to get the purchase financed like you’re buying a used car. IKEA straddles that gap, and they’re one of…

If IKEA replaced all of the models in its catalog with cats, I think I’d maybe actually pick the thing up and peruse it.

Someone told me that the “proper” thing to do, is light the wick then blow it out if you don’t actually want to burn the candles. It blackens the wick and looks less tacky. I never verified it as a practice but it stuck with me and I did it for a while, when I had some candles around.

How about someone punch him in the dick?

Did you know unlit candles displayed in a home are considered bad luck? That has always stuck with me for some reason.

“Some of the people that are opposed to this, there are female senators from the Northeast... If it was a guy from South Texas, I might ask him to step outside and settle this Aaron Burr-style,”

On one hand, that’s fucked up. On the other hand, if you don’t have the mental faculties to realize that you’re pregnant, maybe you shouldn’t be raising a kid?

I’m picturing a future where women submit books to publishers under male pen names to increase likelihood of being considered, and then are advised by their publishers to adopt a female name for future marketability.

“It’s really disappointing” is not a slam.

She would slam hibernation then.

When I was 19 I knew everything, too, but I didn’t have social media to enlighten the world. Imagine the paradise we’d live in if I had a platform to share my wisdom when I was a teenager.

Hmmm trying to imagine what headlines would say about my “slams”:

Me irl:

Predictions: