"I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis in a can passed out on a white-sand beach in the middle of where everyone is walking with half my nut sack protruding from my urine soaked cargo shorts."

Harden's beard does a great job detracting from his 2nd row of teeth.

Now the Tigers pit Doug Fister against the Giants' Madison Bumgarner in Game 2 on Thursday night.

RT@"OLDHEAD GETS SUCKA PUNCHED" umm... wut?

Antoine Walker was recently seen reenacting Blank Checking Account.

Donald Trump then went to the gym where he shot nothing but layups.

Not even Superman could crack that kryptonite pool.

+abillion

preaching a simple message: Make your fakes real.

heh.

That looks pretty sweet. You should look into a Land Rover or an African Dromedary. Both are abundant and cheap.

Daniel Tosh's Wikipedia page accidentally lists him as a "heterosexual comedian".

This would have never happened if they would simply implement instant replay in youth football.

>cracks knuckles

Only when I look across the water here in Tampa and see his sprawling mansion, THEN I hate Jeter.

This explains the I.V. bags and cooler full of O+ blood he worked into his contract. Now if only he would explain the 6 square meters of Transylvanian dirt and ornate bronze coffin also in his contract...

If Nicholas Cage ever hesitated like that, 5 movie roles would pass him by.

We know it wasn't Whitlock. He would never Tweet: "Whew! Just got done with day 30 of Insanity! Bout to hit up this kickball game and then grab victory brews, brah!"

When will RedBull strap some stuntman/celebrity to a surfboard and make him fight Great White sharks with porcupines as boxing gloves?

Belichick's symbiotic hoodie hissed and withdrew into his track pants upon hearing the slam.