I have officially been out of the food service game for exactly two months, 6 days, 16 hours, and 13 minutes. I still frequent the bar where I worked because my friends still work there, I’m friends with several of the regulars, and they have great beer. I can hardly wait for the day when some jackass is rude to one…

The Holly Jameson story reminds me of something that happened to me at a CVS a few weeks ago while I was was waiting to pick up a prescription. One of the two pharmacists was helping an elderly woman with lots of insurance issues so the other pharmacist was taking care of everyone else. The woman in front of me was…

It’s straight up insanity. Kid Electron’s classmate started up with an all-star cheer program, and her mom’s been putting pressure on me to sign up Kid as well. It would cost more per month than her school tuition, and that’s not including the mandatory practice uniforms, two performance uniforms and assorted poms…

#blackcoffeematters

My roommate does something similar every year. No matter how good or bad a year we’ve been having, she goes to a payday or title loan place on Christmas Eve and gives the first person she sees going towards the door $50 or $100 (whatever she can afford), tells them Merry Christmas, and walks away without another word.

Our family tradition at Christmas is to go out Christmas Eve for lunch at a greasy spoon, be polite to the server, and leave a $100 tip in cash. It’s kind of selfish, actually— we all get to feel super altruistic, and we race to get out before the server finds the cash and feels like they need to thank us.

Let’s all make a promise that when/if we become famous, we will all be Kevin Smith Famous.

Ooh cute! Doxing myself but I’m assuming no one will see this post anyway — I think I do okay!

“There I was, enjoying a light repast at the Applebuddies club, engaging in a fine and stimulating discussion of Amanda McKittrick Ros’s brilliant use of simile and metaphor, when suddenly what should assault my ears but some jenny foreigner defiling the rarefied air of our great nation with her native tongue! Well I…

Did I wake up in some alternate universe in which presidential candidates WANT people to believe they’ve stabbed someone and hit their mother with a hammer?? I’m losing my mind right?? Are we dead??

Jesus was a reverse Zombie. People became like him by eating HIS body and drinking HIS blood.

Behold, oreo cookie truffles!

It was only this year that I realised that people had a social media ‘image’. Up until that point I earnestly believed that everyone I knew had perfect lives and that made me so happy, but gently puzzled as to why mine was so imperfect, then put it down to autism.

“Who rules from his pineapple under the sea?”

Praise be.

Jesus can I get him to deliver that duck leg salad to Seattle? I need it for the mouth part of my face.

I loved my veil so much. Started off not wanting something small and simple and by then end I ended up pretty ott.

Depends on the dress. I love veils. I love how they look. They are a cool accessory. But they look dumb with my particular wedding dress (which is pretty simple). I tried on a couple, and they just make the whole ensemble look top-heavy — even the single-layer, stick-it-in-the-chignon ones look awkward with the…

Omg veiling.

Wow autocorrect on my phone is amazing. Method smoking homophone = meth smoking homophobe. :(