It's part of their Christian persecution fantasy.

As Gwen mentioned it's really amazing how little money it takes to buy eternal devotion.

You can't record anything on a large-button flip phone so I don't know why the Eagles don't let their fans bring them in.

For 10 bucks an hour she can put out that fire herself.

Will you guys sit down? I'm trying to record this show on my iPad.

Give it up for Jerry Seinfeld everyone!

Well, come on, what's the answer jerkface?

Get him!

Just him and Sean Hannity.

Oh man, it would have been great to use it to fill up your poorly-built catamaran with gas.

Why can't we find someone who doesn't immediately poo-poo everything he eats?

I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera… Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera… Memo bis punitor delicatum!

Careful, AV Club, you're the highly suggestible type.

In theory, communism works. In theory.

Yeah it is. There was one when I was a kid that was a guy with a sword fighting a dragon so at least they're consistent.

*hands over bag of money to produce 2 1/2 Modern Broke Girls Bang Theory*

remember that Dennis Quaid movie Vantage Point? It kept starting over from the beginning with different viewpoints. By the fourth time it started over people in the theater were laughing.

Metric Time.

Jek Porkins: Look Who's Oinking

He doesn't care WHOSE toes he steps on!