I'm pretending these are also responses to Ani DiFranco's "high velocity" apology.

Bitch, come and take it...

Hey, Utah. Do you remember how you guys got the okay to become a state? Was it maybe by changing your definition of marriage? It was! Get over yourselves and accept that marriage is a word which has never been static in definition. They want you to change the definition of marriage in your state? Well, since you had…

The "smells like rice" isn't very "micro," it's downright blatantly aggressive. I cannot even imagine a situation where someone would find it appropriate to behave like that.

Fan Mail more like Man Fail!

Everyone is looking SO GOOD on this cover! Damn, I can't even recognize some of them under all that glam drag.

"The liberals want to make us all cookie-cutter versions of them! But we just want the freedom to make them all cookie-cutter versions of us!!!!!"

This will be a productive conversation that ends well.

My dog had a habit of escaping her crate as a puppy. She would jostle it until the latch opened. So one evening, we put a combination lock on the latch as an extra precaution and left the tv on for background noise. We came home from dinner to find the dog on the couch, eating a bag of SunChips, watching Animal Planet …

So what you're saying here is... I might be able to afford to see my shrink more than once every three months? I might be able to actually AFFORD all the various medications she puts me on? I might be able to feel... BETTER? What witchcraft is this?

Right?! I don't like guns and I'm a straight female, but daaaaaaamn Rachel looks hot there!!

Exactly. And since they're on a public sidewalk, they're technically not breaking the law ('merica!). If I did approach I may be the one to get violent, so I throw up a middle finger.

As a muslim.

I could simply say there is big diffrence and problem between Religion and culture.

Because this has jack all to do with being Muslim and everything to do with being Saudi. Millions of Muslim women drive without incident so it would be silly to condemn Islam for a tiny percentage of their followers that condemn women from driving.

I used to work at a Catholic school, so I (COMPLETELY JOKINGLY) told my kids that before a dance. One really quiet, semi-nerdy boy got this look of pure glee on his face, then erupted with: "TOO BAD THE HOLY SPIRIT ISN'T CORPORAL AND TAKES UP NO SPACE!!!!!"

YES!!! Great plan, fundy whack-jobs! Buy the cookies, and then scribble out all the GSA references on the boxes! BRILLIANT. Buy them ALL!! Seriously.

If Thin Mints are the first part of the Communion of Satan, what's the wine part?

Yet again, NBC is...

I just meant they're ok when it comes to tolerating others.