Now I want cake.

Which one??

Fixing racism with Tonto is a little bit like fixing a bridge with...a stupid white person in red face.

It's like people who criticize knife-wielding killers. They're just jealous because their bodies don't look all puncture-able.

Oh puh-lease! You wedding conspiracists have been predicting peak weddings for years and yet weddings keep on happening. Besides, until China and India stop having weddings, I don't see why I should do anything.

He once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King...and they made it for him.

"I know you think you're being transgressive and edgy and bad-in-the-cool-way when you are careless with the trauma of strangers, but you're not. You are being conservative. You are a conservative comedian."

THIS! THIS SO MUCH!

Game of Tones.