The only thing I want to hear is the sound of young America getting the hell off my front steps! Have these kids heard of long pants? They look five years old! *peers suspiciously through blinds*

It'll just be a mummified Giger glued to a Space Jockey chair.

"He makes Angela Merkel look like Helle Thorning-Schmidt."

* somber jazz funeral march *

I can't imagine Jesus Christ Superstar not being a glorious horrorshow.

I can't help feeling that there's a different 70s/80s rock group the Ben Miller Band should be touring with.

They have legs, but as they're seated I can't confirm whether or not they know how to use them.

u politely critical bro?

"You got a lot of carbon scoring here. It looks like you boys have seen a lot of action."

I kill a real estate agent for fun, but for a 3% fixed rate I'm gonna carve him up real nice.

"Yo Billy, the ringer on that phone hasn't worked in 20 years!"

Fortunately, Star Wars fans' faces are thickly callused from decades of being slapped in the face by George Lucas.

Beat up this guy or gal who knows stuff about Star Wars!

Wait, Porkins Salad is in the public domain? My weekend plans are SET.

CAME FROM…BEHIND

* verifies the truth of this accusation at Wikpedia *

I'm sorry, the only college that will accept you is Bieber University.

I got one of these Boba Fett figures, and it was even one that had the actual firing rocket launcher. Later I gave to it my cousin. Many years afterward I discovered that these were ultra-rare due to being quickly redesigned by Kenner, and devoured my own leg in a fit of bitter regret.

Please tell me this line of dialogue made it into Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody

Nerrrr-