I had a really annoying neighbor for awhile. It was mildly satisfying to sign him up for home visits from Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons on a regular basis. I almost felt bad for doing it; almost.

Made me think of this (took a minute to find it again):

She got cheated out of a baby shower, complaining about morning sickness, inappropriate belly rubs from complete strangers, and deciding which color to paint the baby's room.

That's either the magik of Kardashian Sunless Tanner, or its an over abundance of Kontouring.

The thought of Cher tweeting away all day and night in her giant Malibu mansion delights me to no end. Her tweets are completely sincere, somewhat batty and almost always contain at least three !!! When I can't sleep at night, I'm comforted in the knowledge that somewhere, in a room covered in velvet and rococo…

Fun Fact: My parents saw this on their first date.

Flesh of Oompa Loompa would be more accurate.

They sell a line of spray tan, she's probably advertising it and "Snookiesque" didn't sound as nice. ;)

Kramer vs Kramer. So great. ALL the tears.

Dislocated my jaw by yawning.

I yawned my face off.

I never really turn on the lights in my house unless I'm reading or Furminator-ing my cat so that (sometimes) causes injuries. When I was younger, my roommate hated that I didn't turn on the lights so once she rearranged the furniture and when I came in, I tripped and flipped over the couch that wasn't supposed to be…

Don't worry, the only flat white ass Australia is exporting is Iggy, and she's tall enough that you can see her coming & avoid.

Mochacappafrachechinolatte

didn't even blink #NEWENGLAND4LYFE

as someone w a flat white ass this is super rude

a weeping willow because it was so awful that I cried

Presumably it's served to you by a spider with a 10-inch leg span.

This is a little off-topic, but... I had a friend who showed up to my father's funeral wearing jeans and work boots. Because that's what he wears for his job. He took his lunch break two hours early so he could come and pay his respects and I thought it was lovely. He made an effort to be there for my family and we…

To: all of those saying we should not be praising Hebdo and his organization because they ridiculed already marginalized groups. NO, THEY DID NOT. Their targets were the same as any satirist; tyrants, blowhards, and hypocrites who preach hate instead of following the tenets of their own religion. No peace loving…

The only thing I knew about Rashad before this is that her second husband was the cop from the Village People.