What is wrong with the term "fried egg"? I know exactly what you mean (the yolk is completely cooked and not runny at all) and there's that phrase "it's so hot you could fry an egg on the sidewalk." I'm originally from New England, maybe this is a regionalism?

My barely adult nephew saw the "Doors" movie in a theater and loved it so his father, my brother, got him the DVD one Christmas and he insisted on screening it for all of us. I was sitting next to my pregnant sister. My niece, the impressario's sister, was on my other side.

"Gay marriage is not legal in Egypt"

Do you have a favorite restaurant/bar/whatever? See if they can squeeze you in and I guarantee you the staff would love to meet your parents, if you're a regular. It will fill up seats normally occupied by randoms who show up not knowing the drill and causing all kinds of NYE chaos.

God that's horrible. And why did she weigh in anyway?

My dentist's mother's dog walker's cousin-in-law's step-sister's gardener's niece's pit bulls (she has two) each make $89 an hour working just a few hours a day on Google.

I would be perfect for this. I am a slightly overweight, middle-aged, obviously American male with a shaky grasp of French, so all I would need to do is take Charlene by the arm and ask a random pedestrian "Ou est la station du train?" and no one would would blink an eye. And within minutes we would be in Ventimiglia…

I've been to Monaco. The palace is actually perched on a cliff! But there are roads that lead up to it, souveneir shops, the Cousteau Institute, restaurants and cafes, so all that would be necessary is to disguise Charlene as a foreign tourist and lead her gently to the train station, and from there into either France…

*Donaudampfschifffahrtsgesesellschaftmitgliederpensionsamt.

"I am sixteen going on...wait, I don't feel very well..." [Barfs onto sidewalk]

Welcome back! You have one of the best Gawker usernames of all time. Whenever I see it it never fails to make me laugh. Rock on, RYLAHC!

You should read E. L. Doctorow's "Sherman's March." A beautifully written book.

It must have been so much fun to write studio ad copy decades ago. "Men fought for her smile...killed for her kiss!"

This anecdote will be a test to see whether any of my college cronies read Jezebel.

Me neither, but our friends were friends with the owners because they were also restaurant owners so the two that went into the kitchen had a couple of decades experience making food and running a kitchen, and the two who served as waiters knew their way around a restaurant because like so many people they took…

Oh Ross, dear Ross:

I think making friends might be geographically influenced. New York is a very schmoozy, social place and within six months of my arrival in the pre-smartphone, pre-social media age I had 100 phone numbers and went out with my new friends three or four nights a week. And no, I was not a hooker and I wasn't dealing weed.

I never thought of that before but you are absolutely right! I'm now remembering the many, many times trivia has come up in conversation and someone has said to me, or I have said to someone, "You should really be on Jeopardy!" and everyone knows what you're talking about. Similarly, one Christmas years ago my…

Charles, Prince of Wales. Who else would talk to their plants?

You are a keeper. I hope your husband realizes how lucky he is.