There are such things as turkey steaks, but I don't know what they are. Breasts, I guess.

I don't suppose you could share the autocorrected recipe?

We actually have the opposite problem in New York. I like my steak as rare as I can get it but our all-seeing/all-knowing Health Department has decreed that meat has to be cooked to a certain degree, and that degree seems to be a little over medium rare. Whenever I order steak I ask for it "as rare as you can legally…

I salute you for making something like that when you were in your 20s and I hope your guests appreciated it. And you did it before the Mad Men entertaining obsession swept the land. I think what you made was a beef Wellington with foie gras, though; with chateaubriand you don't wrap the steak, you make a wine sauce.…

How about "Volare" for the singing telegram? I always laugh when I hear that song and it's never really appropriate for anything but it's a karaoke favorite. Maybe hire a male stripper to perform it. I hope his workplace is an open-plan cubicle farm for maximum sing-along potential.

I LOVE William Gaddis. Have you ever read "A Frolic of His Own"? I think it's one of the funniest books I've ever read and I've recommended it to dozens of people and no one shares my opinion.

No, you probably got it about right.

Is that the one in Rehoboth (DE)? I once visited a department store in East Berlin in the DDR days that had a food section and it was was more cheerful and well-stocked than the Rehoboth Food Lion.

Every year I write parody Christmas letters, because 20 years ago I got so sick of being on the receiving end of all these Lake Woebegone-like "and my snowflake is so super spectacultar that s/he..." missives that I decided to create my own. I am stealing this image and it will be my Christmas card for 2014. In my…

As an adult I've owned four dogs, all of them rescues, and for $13,000 I could have adopted about 30 of them and paid for the spaying/neutering and the initial "So, who do we have here little beautiful dog???" vet visit. Sadly I can only take one or two dogs at a time as I live in an apartment and not on the…

If I were him I would pray every day for the long and healthy lives of my brother and my nephew and for the little bairn gestating in Kate's womb (I'd also be one of the sexiest gingers alive.)

I don't know where to drop this little observation but that prosthetic limb was thrown to the floor at Le Cirque. God that place must be falling on hard times. First the move and the rebranding to "Le Cirque 2000" and now this. Why not just sell to Yum! Brands and convert to a Pizza Hut/KFC/Taco Bell combo spot.

I always thought, from the first moment Kelly Bensimon appeared on RHoNY, that she was using it as a vehicle for some kind of Dadaist exploration of...I don't know what. The chaos inherent in any kind of interpersonal relationship? Do words have meaning? What if this is all a lie, and we're not living in Soho after…

Dog parks are an excellent way to meet new people, assuming your dogs are sociable. Your dogs will start playing with other dogs and as you observe them the other dog owners won't be able to resist asking about your dogs, you, telling you about their dogs, themselves, "do you live in the neighborhood?", vet stories,…

Joe Jackson's "It's Different For Girls." Adele's "Rolling in the Deep." Alanis Morissette's "Isn't It Ironic" (which actually mentions a "wedding daaaaay"). I should become Wedding Music Planner of the Damned.

Could you pull off Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes"? I think that's one of the most romantic songs ever recorded. I saw it performed once live by a woman, a capella, solo, no band, no Yassou N'Dour figure to fill in the background, there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

If it's any consolation, I am a gay man who gets along really well with children and they all seem to love me (I think it's because I'm so tall that I seem fatherly yet I have the maturity of a seven-year-old.) I have been asked tons of times, usually by parents, whether I have kids, have I ever thought of adopting,…

Years ago we bought a small apartment in Miami and my now-husband and I were wandering around our neighborhood in New York and he fell in love with this faux-Spanish Colonial iron curtain rod, at least six feet long, with spear points at either end. He was convinced it was just what we needed for the apartment so the…

Can I ask what your grad school degree is in? I hope it was something like social work or abnormal psychology.

I actually looked up how old Jennifer Aniston is, because I remember her from the first "Leprechaun" movie, which feels to me like it must have been made sometime in the mid-80s, but no, it came out in 1993. Jen, as I like to think of her, is 45. I don't consume a huge amount of celebrity news (or so I'd like to…