Here’s an Easter miracle. I’m about to say something almost nice about Tori Spelling. When her father died 10 years ago, Tori only got $800k (900? I’m not gonna google it.) out of the $600 million. I’m honestly not sure what The Other One™ got but I’m sure it was the same amount. She grew up in a house dubbed “The…

Well, good news. Evidently Kim Jong Un couldn’t get his tae po dong missile up today. We can all sleep a little easier.

That’s considered good luck, depending on who you speak to! And it makes sense, when you think about all the birds in the world and how rarely we get hit by bird doings...

Damn, she had to settle for ABC’s Nightline huh? Not even Good Morning America? SAD!

My very thought. There are no “howevers” or “buts” permitted following that first phrase.

His fake singing voice was comically mismatched with his speaking voice, in my extremely humble opinion

That was the biggest mystery of the show—not who was dead or who was the bully. It was (and still is) how the fuck that’s a name someone willingly gave their child.

Question for those who have had girl babies: do nurses react well when you tell them to get that fucking bow off your goddamn just-born child’s head? Because I don’t feel like I would be able to be polite about it.

My husband routinely has had to share rooms at academic conferences because we are poor grad students and he can’t afford his own. Sometimes those rooms include women, and by some great strength of God he manages not to screw around with his female colleagues. He even eats dinner with them and everything! He says it’s…

I thought there was a federal hiring freeze?

Everyone involved knows but just can’t outright say the deal was she gets to have as much power and stick her thumb in as many pies as she likes because she’s the only one who can handle her dad when he’s sundowning, right?

Just a friendly reminder that we had 33 hearings into Benghazi and millions of dollars spent over several years which turned up nothing. Now they’re circling the wagons to protect foreign intervention into our election (which all intelligence agencies agree happened). Republican hypocrisy knows no bounds.

Can cannibals get enough protein from a diet of nothing but dicks?

I couldn’t believe they didn’t pay for all of his immediate family to come out either. I mean she spent like $18,000 on those dumb-ass tea towel invites, but couldn’t afford a few plane tickets for his family?!?

Traditionally, Tom & Katie weddings are short-lived.

It’s almost as if Team Trump was utterly unprepared to govern a nation of 325 million people, or something...

This was funny, but when I saw the title on Twitter it really god my hopes up that he had been fired.

Excedrin did this like a decade ago (??) with Excedrin Migraine. Whatever sells the product, I guess.

I would be 500% more likely to throw down that kind of cash on a one-time dress if I saw it on a real human being. I've been online shopping a lot more since college—mostly just at Modcloth, Urban, et al—and whenever there are user-submitted pictures, I'm all over them. It's saved me from a lot of bad decisions.