First of all, the main picture shows the wrong way to do a crunch. That way is hell on your neck. (Commercials for fitness gyms make this mistake, too.) You’re supposed to do a crunch with your arms folded across your chest. So try starting there.

If I could have just gotten past the horrible writing, which clumsily attempts to be eloquent but only succeeds in boring the reader to death with an interminable number of long clauses, all in the hopes of something capturing someone's attention via random details and amateurish analogies that aren't clever and mean…