Oh, and let's not even get into the "I think I'm out of eggs, oh, wait, there they are" firestorm this morning.

I only made it through the first one, and that took 2 tries.

I was just pleasantly surprised to see that Captain America was gay, then realized I read the name wrong… and was pleasantly surprised to discover that the tennis-star brother in Royal Tennenbaums was gay, then realized I had the name wrong again… then realized I don't know who that person is.

[does some quick mental scanning/arithmetic] "Okay, checks out."

It was kind of the worst-case scenario, in that sense, wasn't it? By reading someone else's coherent words, but still communicating the same extremism, suddenly people are acting like, "Oh, I guess that's over! Whew!"

Someone asked if I watched Last Man Standing, and I replied that I really prefer seeing a comedian's entire act, not little tidbits. They replied that, no, that was last "comic" standing, this is a Tim Allen show, and it's been on for 6 years.

"I know lung-fu."

Hey, that was the working title!

"Scotty! Unlock the deadbolt and let us in!" never had the same catchiness.

Might help take the sting out of the whole "grab pussy" thing. "Well, sure! Kittens love playing tackle with each other! Why's everyone so disgusted?"

"My mom… loves you…"

In keeping with the spirit of Troll 2, this should clearly be called Goblins 2.

What's so funny 'bout Heinz Hall in Pennsylvaaaaania?

They really could post a newswire that just says, 'Awful Quiet…' or "Internet Still Working"

I haven't seen it yet, sorry. Can't help.

It's in the same category as the "Kellyanne Conway sitting on the couch" thing, really.

You know, this steak thing is so small in the grand scheme, yet it just keeps coming back to me as emblematic of what a gross, ignorant person he is. Am I being petty? Snobbish? I mean, obviously it's a perfect demonstration that you can't buy class or taste, but why does it feel like such a damning thing?

Man, their betrayal runs deep.

Oh, definitely. I don't care how long you've been a performer, standing up there you'd have such tunnel-vision, you'd see a movie title and blurt it out. I'm amazed Beatty had the wherewithal to realize something wasn't right, and respond to it.

I'm literally losing sleep over this president. I woke up yesterday thinking about what a coward he is regarding the Russians, and wishing I could at least know why he's in their service, and I failed to fall asleep last night thinking about him compensating for this by ramping up the military so he can win wars…