I still remember my favorite comment of the night: "Hey, I have a jacket like that! I was going to wear it, but I didn't want to look slutty."

The highlight of my 10-year reunion was after an hour or so of everyone awkwardly saying how great they're doing, the booze kicked in and everyone started throwing around some version of "You want to know what I've been up to? Not pursuing my dreams and fucking up relationships. That's what I've been up to." "Hey,…

You know, it is really hard to come up with a name that's better suited to a variety of hate-monikers than Hillary. Hellary, Killary, HiLiARy…

That's why they're billionaires. It's like the old saying goes: "Take care of the pennies, and the incomprehensible fortunes will take care of themselves."

But how else will I keep up on the polished versions of the highlighted moments of the lives of people I'm to some degree acquainted with??

"Wait, I seem to be player 2 now. Huh. Okay. I think I'm player 2? Well, whatever, I'm going in this house to visit the neighbor. Hm, or I'm just thinking about going in and what would happen if I did. I'm not sure. Am I in the house or on the curb imagining the house? Hoo, boy."

No, no. There was that version he re-did and was added as a bonus track to the Scary Monsters re-issue. I got myself confused.

Agh!! That's what I meant! I feel so dirty, now.

I go with "Panic in Detroit." Nothing gets 'em fired up like a b-side off of Scary Monsters!

It can still be beaten, though, if you introduce your claim with "TRUE FACT:"

What font will they use?

Disqus Plan!

10 Print "True dat"
20 goto 10

I'm moving my family and myself in to the AV Club Comments Section.

We don't need another game show…

"Son, excuse me. I'm concerned you may have interpreted what I said to mean that I want a lot of eggs and bacon. I want all the eggs and bacon you have."

I'm still in denial. It's a weird thing, to know I am. I have moments of such terror and sadness, where I feel it, but whenever I see anything referring to him as "president-elect" I have this automatic, and very sincere "No, he's not" response, that I then have to try and override.

"So I assume you'll add the neon piping and luminescent paint to the Starkiller base in post?"
"No, no, there isn't going to be any neon piping or luminescent paint."
**confused stare**

You get a good meal!

DOES THIS MEAN TRUMP DIDN'T WIN!!??