Mine was in 2006, at a Ford dealership in either Burbank or North Hollywood (I forget which). I was tired of dealing with my manual Mazda Protege in LA traffic, and wanted to trade it in on an automatic Focus. They had the car I wanted (ZX3 SE, in black) so we sat down to figure out the deal. I handed the Mazda keys…

I think it’s just a pan-Asian racism. But I honestly don’t know, because I grew up in Hawaii so SPAM is just “local food”. I don’t eat it much anymore because I’m old and I don’t want to piss off my blood pressure too much. Still, SPAM, scrambled eggs and sticky rice is my go-to comfort breakfast.

That’s no gaffe. I bet it buys her 3 points in the polls. 

If you’re out for dinner with me and you (not you, specifically) order a steak well done, I’ll punch you in the esophagus. 

Agreed. Let the chicken be the star.

Right? It’s a perfectly fine unhealthy sandwich. Why muddle everything good it has going for it under a couple blankets of cholesterol and saturated fats?

Meh. The sandwich is fine as is. Adding cheese and bacon is usually just a cheap cover up for a crappy product.

I’m submitting this piece for a Pulitzer.

At one point in our lives, we’ve all been Lt. Dan on New Year’s Eve

This would be a better movie to watch on New Years  Eve morning.  With a glass of orange juice.

except in the winter - there’s no heat. or the summer - there’s no a/c. or in traffic. or when he gets hit by literally anything.

Dave’s suggestion was almost perfect. However, he should have optioned to suggest a 300CD.
I mean - c’mon - PILLARLESS.

Psssh.. $30k budget?

Dear good Sir,

The sad thing is that so many of them are already advertised as “rotary mowers”. Bunch of lying bastards.