“We spotted a plaque that reminded visitors that NOLA was a Spanish settlement before the French influences descended.”

his dad got busted by the feds for selling xanax, so that was a fun little tidbit. 

Soccer games watched in the last 2 years: Zero

Came here to say same: this is parody prose. It has to be. I’ve taught college writing & had to read it four times to parse the parentheticals, undangle the participles, and clap a gauze pad over the running conceit. Fuuuuuck. 

Lemme write 6000 words on how each and every potential superstar is not exactly like each and every superstar to come before them and then conclude this comparison doesn’t matter. 

While I and most others writing about him now, after the hotly contested courtship that involved pretty much all the game’s biggest clubs finally came to a close when Barcelona announced yesterday that they’d won the Ajax man’s hand in marriage for a hefty €75 million (the ceremony is set for this coming summer), have…

If Portnoy’s concerned that there are bigoted freaks who read and comment on his site, then he should know that shuttering the comment section isn’t a real solution to the problem.

Did Billy change his name?

Nice pass and all but without a goal it’s just not that important. If he’s as prolific a passer as you claim, you probably wouldn’t have had to wait much longer to write this story when that happened anyways.

he wants those kind of hits banned?

I have no idea.

is there a sweeter feeling IN THE WORLD than the shaken bottle save?

All he had to do was completely ignore her like he did with his taxes.

Why do you hate the troops?

The thing about highschool girls is.. I get older but they stay the same age. alright alright alright

The only good thing about Nathan Peterman is that his name is very useful for writing haikus.

Ask not for whom the Bell toils, Steelers; it’s not for thee.

Based on patricia’s history he doesn’t seem like the type of guy that would make someone do something against their will.

“Itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face” (Baby, Oakland)

If a region of the United States decided to hold a separation referendum campaigned for on the beliefs that a) we’re sick of spreading the wealth of our region to less fortunate regions of the country and b) we’re sick of immigrants and want them out, how much sympathy would you have for those people?