I'm going with Louis CK. I'm sure everyone else loves him as a comedian like I do, but his style of absurdism and black, cringe humor in long form wouldn't translate well without facial expressions, pantomiming and stress on words.

I'm a double posting asshat.

Jeselnik is fucking hilarious. And he might be Hatey McLife.

#missedthepointentirelyisthmus

I never washed my soccer jersey, shorts, or socks until we lost a game. Longest winning streak was 15 games. My nostrils still haven't fully recovered.

I was just messing with Uwe. It's been a while.

Movie DUAN:

1960's-70's Clint Eastwood.

The commitment to not spelling out "and" makes it an absolute coin flip. Was he banned?

Phintastic: I have no idea which reply was to me.

@GC: That's so random and crazy, blood.

Please publish one or send me one on ca.deadspin

I just assumed he's consistently hopped up on vicodin or oxycontin a long time ago. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it's just easier to read with that in mind.

Nobody actually drank the water. The team was just trying to make their Fiji Tsunami as authentic as possible, so yes, they decided to shake every table in the joint.

Awesome.

+1

i'M SO SICK OF TIPTOEING AROUND THESE PEOPLE'S FEELINGS AND WE ARE GIVEN THE SHAFT

+1

Miriam also added she and her mother will be back when the Marlins visit "to distract that notorious MILF hunter Jack McKeon."

Listen, I think he's dreamy too but Luke Perry's 20-something range is a thing of the past.