I tried doing my own toes this weekend to save dollars. “It’ll be easy because I won’t have to switch hands.”

Was that my Memaw? That sounds like my Memaw. When I was a kid I showed my grandparents how to use the mouse on their computer and you would have thought I was the most genius of baby geniuses (I was like seven or eight, and had been using a computer steadily at school for 3-4 years. This would have been ca. 1996).

Once, an 8-top of Christians left one of those “Here’s a Tip for You!” pamphlets on my table, in lieu of a cash tip. I was sort of used to this, so I didn’t remark much, just tossed it into the bus tub with the rest of the debris, and a glower.

This is my favoUrite comment today, eh.

I’m a little late but here goes. I worked in a Gay Dennys in Arizona and soon after gay marriage became legal, I had the most adorable elderly couple of men, one white, one black. They were seated at the counter and had on these beautiful leis. I asked if I could feel the real flowers and asked what the occasion was.…

AMEN. At first I was relieved to serve at Steakback Outhouse, which had no lunch service back then, but imagine my horror when they decided to open Sunday lunch several months after opening my location. Oh, the hatred.

I once had a customer who ordered a cheeseburger with Swiss but got cheddar. When the mistake was realized, I apologized and offered her a free cookie. She replied, “Honey, if this is the worse thing to happen to be today, then I’ve got a pretty good life.” After getting bitched at by stuck up college kids and…

Not going to lie, this story is fucking hilarious. I keep laughing. I feel like a dick, but it’s funny.

the universe has a sense of humor, and it is HILARIOUS.

I would take a two-pronged approach if I were in this guy's shoes. I 100% believe that you cannot have a successful relationship if you are not completely comfortable with being open with all aspects of your sexuality with your partner, and vice-versa.

This is an excellent point.

Yeah but my house has one major advantage over Kylie Jenner's: no Kardashians or Jenners live in my house.

also my margs had caronas in them which was dope

OH MY GOD

Bless you, UK denizens, for always failing to know what funnel cake is. Here's what you have to understand, though: funnel cake is far more than the description you're reading online. It's kind of indescribable; calling it "fried dough" is accurate, but only in the same way as it would be to describe the Pacific Ocean…

My best story about my mom happened a few years ago. My mom had breast cancer in the '80s and had a single mastectomy. She wears a prothesis, which feels like a jelly-filled shoulder pad. When I was a pre-teen I used to shove some of the older ones in my training bra and strut around the house with two right boobs.…

Once I took my mother in so she could have a day surgery performed. We were sitting in that pre op room and she was sitting in a wheel chair. Unbeknownst to me they had already given her her pre surgery cocktail. The nurse came in and put this foil looking space bonnet on her head. We sat there in silence for a moment…