Years ago I had a customer service rep call me to say that she “hated to be the barrel of bad news but....”

As someone who received her diploma years ago as a Certified Non-Math-Sciencey-Person, I found myself at the grocery store tonight explaining condensation to a fellow adult person. I felt like goddamn Stephen Hawking.

Bless her heart.

I did that to my dog the other night! She’s often restless around 3am, which usually wakes me up which is also AWESOME. Anyway, I sat up and asked her, “Sal! Where’s your bathing suit?!”

Their success comes from the ability to lift and separate.

I had a customer flip out at me yesterday because she missed out on buying a vase while 4,000+ people were dying in Nepal but personal tragedy is all relative, right?

Not gonna lie. I read today’s headline and was all “good news stories?! Pffft, that’s not a BCO thing” because we live for the horror and snark but I read them anyway because it’s Monday and that’s what we do, right?

As Homer Simpson would say: "Never try."

It was a "two-pronged approach" that got them into this predicament.

You guys in America just bought our Tim Horton's coffee & donut chain in Canada via Burger King and frankly, you can have it (yes, your way).

Wow. This dick has balls, too.

Does having your eyeballs tattooed make you forget what things look like? Because he's not a platypus, not even by a stretch. (Sorry).

I have to admit, I gave a 34-year old grandmother raising her various children and sassy star young'un in a tiny house situated next to a busy train tracks, furnished predominantly by a terrible sectional couch and industrial shelving to hold all the loot from extreme couponing, the benefit of the doubt on her…

Yeah, no. I tried. Basement ghosties, sure. This thing, I scrolled down and away like my thumbs were legs.

That's adorable.

Pretty sure I dated that goat 10 years ago.