That mustache, tho.

sandwich triangles are inappropriate for anyone over 11 years of age

I tried this at a Yankees game once, but found out that they don't let you bring your own bottles. And there was no way I was paying $12.00 for a bottle of breast milk inside.

Bought the collectors! I'm so excited.

I remember way back in the day, when South Park was going to reveal Cartman's dad, they ended the episode on a cliffhanger and said they'd be back in four weeks for the actual reveal. Of course, four weeks later was April 1. I remember having a Find Out Cartman's Real Dad sleepover. People came over. We got snacks.…

Yeah, I get so mad when people have the audacity to want to get compensated for creating something that I can enjoy for free. I MEAN HOW SELFISH CAN THEY BE AMIRITE?!

It's a scientific fact that real football would be better with more flying elbow drops

There's the article.

Ryan Anderson: [clicks on "Deadspin.com"]

American League managers have already filed a petition against this as it would mean they'd actually have to pay attention to the game.

We've all been there.

cock-blocktopus made me snort tea out of my nose

Example of "homosexual act" under Russian law: Holding hands. Kissing in public.

Yeah, you've NAILED this one...

TOMS Midnight Riot Canvas Paseos

Ugh. Just awful. Come on, people. Do you have any consideration for your fellow man? For crying out loud, it's 2013. Why are you still recording vertical screen videos?

You can't trust the system.

Lana! Lana! LANAAAA!

"I reported back in May that Watch Dogs hacker protagonist Aiden Pearce can knock people's cellphones from their hands. Yesterday, I did it. It's great."

I've been credentialed, but there's no sense in me pretending I'm a beat writer. I'm pretty useless if I'm not writing from the perspective of a fan, which means the press box is a weird place for me. I was at a game earlier this year, and I had to remind myself not to cheer or clap ever five minutes. It was odd. The…