Can’t remember when, but once I saw how scared a dog was by fireworks, I swore off them forever. I’m the biggest buzzkill at fireworks events, I really can’t stand them.

Fact: you cannot be a fan of fireworks and dogs.

Please think of us before you set off your fireworks.

Separated at birth?

I went 0-1 and then found something else to hate on, which seems fitting for the South.

How long till the Confederate die-hards place a call to Lanny Davis?

“in defense of the interests of the clubs that are contributing to the international teams.”

“Don’t recline your seat”

Credit the Security guys, excellent impression of the Colts secondary.

Wow, takes some balls to paraphrase a Thompson headline for your own...

Holy cow, that’s a balls-out Sangria. Grapefruit? Brandy? Strawberries? SOUNDS AWESOME

You be nice to Ashleigh Banfield. She got canned from NBC for speaking out on stupid media coverage of the Iraq War.

“But once the draft started, I was pretty confused”

Or he could just put another Bud lime in the fridge, same thing really.

Current indications are he’s not going. See end of this article:

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What's Johnny Knoxville doing on Deadspin?

Let me help, Tom: Communist Red Sox fan gives worthless object to child dressed head-to-toe in evil propaganda.

Let me help, Tom: Communist Red Sox fan gives worthless object to child dressed head-to-toe in evil propaganda.

For the record, this is called a Hopoate poke.