I enjoyed the part of this review where I read the entire thing and still have no idea what the movie is about so have no idea whether I should see it.

Ovechkin wins the Stanley Cup. Another instance of Russians infiltration in Washington.

<Threadjack>

You have done, and continue to do, the Lord’s work with this coverage. Thank you for your unsparing gaze at the disgusting underbelly of these issues and for not letting it go ever.

IAAL. Telling someone “you must engage in this specific form of political speech or else you must engage in no speech at all” is illegal. Once the employer permits one type of political speech, the employer must permit all types of political speech. And once the employer mandates a certain form of political speech and…

I didn’t say great, I said good. He’s not Blake Bortles great.

As a Seahawks fan, please don’t, we have enough trouble with the rest of the division having good QBs and receivers now, the last thing we need is for Larry Fitzgerald, even on his downslope, to get a good QB.

I’m waiting for folks to realize that there’s a pretty clear employment law issue here. If your employer forces you to engage in political speech and sanctions you from engaging in alternative political speech, that’s a very clear case of discrimination based upon political views, which violates the Civil Rights Act.

Perhaps take a different Canadian rule here. On a kickoff no one from the kicking team is allowed to be within 1 yard of a player when he catches the ball.

First, you bit the flavored vodka bullet for science. Then you informed the world of the 50c Frosty summer sale. You are a goddamn humanitarian. The Peace Corps should build a shrine to you.

The Venn diagrams of “people who think Jordan Peterson speaking to the Seahawks is awesome!” and “people who think Colin Kaepernick should stop disrespecting our flag” are two perfectly overlapping circles.

Say you’re out of plain ol’ beer and gotta keep going, but slim pickins on anything that goes together. What are the concoctions you’ve come up with that were the worst, the most embarrassing, and the oh! gotta remember this one!? (Straight booze on rocks or watered down don’t count, but you can include stale…

Connecticut has a sports team. It is just temporarily housed in Raleigh, North Carolina. #WhaleForever

Does Lyft work outside the USA yet? I thought it was USA-only. I prefer Lyft so this would be news I can use.

Please never stop pointing out all the dead wood that collects a paycheck while he is out of the league. Anyone who doesn’t realize he would be a locker room leader doesn’t understand the definition of the word: people on other teams do the thing that he started doing, that is literally the definition of “leader”.

All the players on the Seattle defense were terrible and had bad morale, says Pete Carroll. Sure.It’s not like all those players had only one thing in common. And I’m sure all of Pete Carroll’s ex-girlfriends were crazy too, just ask him.

But enough about the President’s assessment of his bedroom performance. How do you feel about Forsberg?

You’d think Colorado of all teams would know to fear the scoring power of a Forsberg.

Gravy and cheese curds #InstaPoutine

And that’s why he’ll be cut from the movie. It all makes sense now...