That reminds me of a great Tig Notaro joke, “Can you believe it?!”

I just finished her book, and it made me like her even more. Definitely recommend.

I once dated a complete bonehead, on and off, for way too long. One year, I think around age 20, we had just broken up again and I decided to attend a party I knew he would be at in a neighboring city. I dressed up as cute as possible in a very awesome vintage cowgirl dress. Before we had a chance to even acknowledge…

I love Beyonce, but I wouldn’t even know how to be in the Beyhive. Unless it means to just love Beyonce and explain to people why she’s the greatest IF they ask. I am 31, anything else is too much work.

Get it, girl. I don’t watch Modern Family often but she’s funny and she clearly has a good team behind her.

I have a very special recipe that swaps out the can of soup for essentially a pound of Swiss cheese. It’s upsetting how delicious it is. 

Yes! Whenever I hear people go on about his hotness I feel like, “meh.” He is boring if anything, give me a Jason Momoa or even a skinny, grimy Pete Davidson type over this abs robot. 

That was so fucking troubling to watch. The woman needs immediate psychological intervention. Trying to “help” a family by demanding their child then growing belligerent when they try to escape you...boo, no. Absolutely not. 

When I was 21, a friend and I drove our bikes down to the lake in our small town to smoke some cigarettes and work on her English homework. When we got there we realized we didn’t have a lighter, and saw a group of here guys walking by who looked like the smokin type. We called them over, they gave us a light and a…

“Didn’t have advance knowledge of how credible” LMAO what. Did y’all just get the memo that she’s a motherfucking research psychologist? 

He does?! Oh that makes me so much happier.

Hoo boy, Whitney is not my favorite character. Smarmy, judgy weirdo who’s always too invested in the lives of people two or three decades younger. 

I agree so much! Landon was the absolute worst. And Naomie is always pissed!

This fucking woman. Where did she think she earned the right to tell literally anyone, or any First Lady, or MICHELLE OBAMA to “sit down?” Bitch, travel to the core of the motherfucking earth and then SIT DOWN FARTHER.

I started getting AARP mailers addressed to me starting at age 22 or 23. I’m almost 31, and they almost have me.

Oh, lord. When I was 19, living in my first apartment with my bff, we would go hang out with this group of guys who were of age, and they would go buy out the Sparks from the neighboring Plaid Pantry. They were a buck a can! We’d get a few Sparks down, turn on some Fergie and have a ball! I’m shocked no one ever did…

I was just wondering how it feels that Kim has to frequently grin and praise him when he puts shame on her. Not that I’m taking a side, they’re all a disaster. But like defending the Taylor Swift thing, ok fine. But your sisters, two of whom were probably children when they met him? Noooooope, not today. Fuck.

I’ve never had a cool celebrity encounter, just met a few shitty punk bands back in the day. Last weekend, I was at a Starbucks in eastern Washington state, and my friend whispered all conspiratorially, “Chris Hardwick is right there” pointing to the line of people waiting for their drinks. I immediately saw a very…

OH GOD I NEEDED THIS SO BAD TODAY! And I just cried at the thought of a cat named Friend. I can’t! 

Me too, so much! I recently met a poodle named Jake, my friend had a sweet cat named Douglas. I can’t get enough of them! I also really like Cornbread though.