1. I'm the Nicki to my sister's Christina on this. Stop telling me your mustard cardigan from Target is on fleek. It's a cute sweater.

I DO feel sexier when I'm driving! And I'm not a great driver, nor is my car even cool, but my sunglass game is unparalleled, and I feel like people respect me. "Who's that girl in the plastic Saturn? She's obviously killing it, due to her sunglasses and complete lack of shame at rapping along to Drake lyrics." I like…

When I was a toddler I apparently hated naps, and I have been and always will be a messy person. I still just haven't learned how to clean up after myself, except until my dishes pile up. But when I was two, my mom was pregnant with my little sister and I didn't apparently want to give up my room and move into my four…

"You're going to starve your unborn children." -My Grandmother, to my former roommate when she subbed tofu for meat while eating at a Chinese restaurant.

I'm currently befuddled. I'm involved with someone, but we are not in any position to be together for real, right now. I'm fine with this situation, because I'm doing me and I have been single for two years, and I love it more every day. We live far apart, so I see him sporadically, but we share a deep but calm,…

I worked in a small coffee shop where the manager let us write on the white board: "We reserve the right to refuse service to any patrons utilizing Starbucks lingo." I started making large drinks when someone ordered a "tall." Bitches still tried to order Frappucinos! People are hopeless.

I saw that, just one more thing to toss on the pile of reasons to adore him!

He's kinda boring hot for me, but Sophia vergara can get it. I like her garish-foxy thing.

OR Charlie the Asshole from Dawson's Creek?

Literally, we do have the "right."

Ok but Tony and Richard look A LOT alike, guys.

I just finished that book, and it was lovely! I'm cooking a pizza and finishing Jerry Maguire, which I will follow with Love Story. Because I'm indulging all night. Fighting to withhold from my champagne til midnight.

And I PROMISE I replied to that before I read the Dirt Bag from this morning. I'm saying, in every rumor is a sliver of truth.

I'm sorry for that, I was there a few years ago. It's truly the worst, but I hope you're finding some fanciness tonight.

Hoorah! I dig your style.

Team drinking and pizza! I'm sick, but tired of it, and really considered going out with a band of merry idiot friends and drink one beer to their five, but they pulled out the Molly, and I knew I couldn't keep up with that mess. So I bought the finest champagne I can responsibly afford, a frozen pizza, and I'm…

I can tell you that nothing good goes down late-night at Pita Pit. Nothing good.

Allegedly, Drake and John Mayer were in the mix.

As a reader of trash blind gossip items, jackpot.