I lost mine to my first boyfriend, who I really kind of hated most of the time, at least after the first month. But, I was looking to broaden my sexual horizons and the kid pretty much worshiped me. So we had sex, and it was fine and he was very sweet. I dated him for another 8 months or so before I just dropped my…

Little weepy right now. Garth Brooks was the first CD I ever owned. I forgive him for the whole Trisha Yearwood thing.

OK this is not my story...it is my mother's. She had recently ended a nine year relationship with one guy, and she almost instantly started dating another. She's a gal who likes being in a relationship, so she's had a few winners, a few losers.

I'm so glad she's healthy, and I'm sorry her whole wedding was destroyed. But in the grand scheme of life, I'm not nonplussed. I almost feel like if I lived through that mess I would want to be married barefoot on a tropical-ass island 'cause I just beat Ebola, bitchassss. I'm not mourning the death of any person's…

When my mom was a young woman of eighteen, she lived for a short time in solitude with her two cats, Hansel and Gretel. One morning, she was freaking out because she couldn't find Gretel, and a few hours later a neighbor boy brought her over in a shoebox, sobbing. She had done just what Mr. Biscuits did, but didn't…

I mean, I like to poop in a leisurely fashion, with a magazine or something. But if I'm out and about and I have to go, I just go. Life is too short to ruin a night of fun holding in poop.

Thank you. Without water, there is no lather. I've done that before, but then my hands are just coated in concentrated soap, which makes me want to wash them twice.

Came here to hope that someone would say that before I had to. I also don't remove my clothes...pooping doesn't soil my whole body or what I am wearing. Not yet, anyway.

My LORD. That gif is so delicious I want to cover it in chocolate syrup and eat it for breakfast. Good day.

This list makes me miss my prep/line-cookin' days. I still say "behind" and "knife" (kitchen term for "watch out or get cut") whenever the need arises. And I absolutely agree with "in the weeds." Not a term that was used in my restaurant, but the sentiment is all the same. When you're already backed up by nine checks…

A few years ago, I was serving drinks a few nights a week at the worst bar of all time. It was usually really slow, and when it was busy, the clientele were awful, fratty, early-20s shitballs. I was always on my smiley-friendly A-game, but one night, one child in particular almost broke me. There was a big group of…

I take night classes on a fairly large college campus, and I carry a backpack with my necessities (which are books and cost a million dollars), and lock my wallet in my car. I am commonly rolling on a very low (or negative) bank balance and have no credit cards, but I will NOT give up my shit. I have two punches left…

I was/am in a similar situation. I have a strong mutual attraction to a guy who has a girlfriend. I am a bigger jerk than you, because I let him kiss me. I am getting over it, and realizing that while he is an asshole, I am a bigger one. I am not, however, in love with him. I feel empathy for you, because that has got…

I downloaded Tinder out of curiosity, and ended up running into a few friends which was funny, and a co-worker's husband, which was not. I was still having fun with it and recommended it to a newly single friend, who is blonde and cute and much more conventionally attractive than I. I don't think the girl's had a…

Scarlett Johnson could have given birth to a bicycle and nothing would matter but this. Please, Lindy! I'll start making my bed and everything!

It's a lot of flash and attention, but they didn't even get to see or talk to each other! For probably like ten minutes! The only thing I thought was, "That would be a fun thing to witness," but I teared up watching a guy propose while singing Backstreet Boys karaoke at a crap bar. She said yes.

My FIRST thought! He doesn't even seem like he'd be good at sex. Besides being eternally 15.

Well, I mean it was a fiery car crash on the night of her graduation. In my opinion, Ryan was righting the wrong he made saving her from that alley in TJ.

I love it, although maybe because it's usually drenched in their complimentary garlic grease. Either way, the nearest one is about 30 miles from me now, so I haven't eaten it in about five years because obviously I'm not going out of my way to support that asshole company. And Domino's can get me a Brooklyn Style with…

I see it.