"BRING IT ON." -My mom, just now

And then Nate Archibald'd Dan in the SAME PLACE on CAMERA.

Overall, though, my favorites have been friends of friends. Also, I talked my work friend into just trying Tinder, just for fun...and now she is dating the second guy she matched with.

I have a meet-cute story. I met my last boyfriend by a lake. My friend and I had bought some Snapples, and decided to ride bikes down to the lake where we live so I could basically do her English reading for her, again. We had no baskets, so we threw the Snapples away and got riding. We ended up on a bench, and she…

My car has it, but it is terrible, so I never even bother. We are having a VERY hot spell where I live, and I am basically the crankiest old grandma you've ever met. I seriously refuse to go anywhere except work and home. I am going to lose friends. WE DON'T HAVE WEATHER LIKE THIS IN THE PNW!

I hope you went in!

Best song off her new album, oddly.

So when I take great pleasure in silently crop-dusting the whole grocery store, I'm helping them all? That doesn't gel with my world view. Never again.

Pretzel anything! Plus there was honey mustard on it. Listen, I'm not proud.

I have to respectfully disagree re: Wendy's. I saw a commercial for their chicken sandwich on a pretzel bun on a hangover day, and it was all I could dream of. So I went and bought one, and it was fucking terrible. For me to dislike fast food on a hangover day, you really gotta mess something up.

Taco John's? We are fighting now. That place is a disgrace to a taco.

McDonald's fries with light salt are my JAM. Can't beat em.

FUCK BAJA FRESH?! Ok, I will! Because their food is delicious!

Emily, child, what is your address? I would like to send you a copy of A Woman's Worth. It's very preachy, but it taught me to never settle for 'princess.' We are high priestesses, my dear. We are the queen and the king. We can claim our own territories, if we fucking want to.

Awesome! Grab more Kokanee!

Light beer, pizza and Dawson's Cree-eek (read in Oprah voice). I love that movie though!

Ugh, it's ten million degrees out and my allergies are killing me, and I am feeling so blue. I found out last night that a good friend from high school (that I haven't seen in two years because we live far apart) is deep in the throes of a hard drug addiction. She has always had substance-abuse issues, but it was…

Ok, I have been reading these for hours and I feel like I should throw a few abridged tales into the ring.

We can't all be a Jen Lindley, or else the world wouldn't make sense. (I am a Jen! Buzzfeed told me so!) Once a Joey, always a Joey. B-b-boring. Katie Holmes is a Joey, forever.

Jesus christ, I'll take my shitty bathroom and asbestos siding. With a smile.