I know.

Kim, your "funbags" look phenomenal.

I don't dislike dogs, but I am a cat person. And I am, admittedly, a soulless monster. Cats are just super down, and I prefer their indifference. But I have met many dogs that are srsly the best. So.

I have met a lot of people who don't believe they would enjoy FNL. Their loss, because that show is EVERYTHING. So good, on so many levels.

Ok ASA, I have to respectfully disagree with you whole-heartedly. Some dudes with cats are cool, and some are lame. Same with guys who have dogs or lizards. No ferrets, though. No ferrets. But really, I seem to find guys with cats to be awesome, upstanding people. Plus, I love cats. It's just who I am. So I like guys…

I sing and whistle constantly at work. I think everyone finds it charming, except one tragic hater who called me "tuneless." Tell that to my karaoke awards, bitch! (There are no actual awards, per se, but the memories are enough).

I tend to agree. It's not fair for the bullied kids to have to face their tormentor all the time, but obviously his home life is not healthy. Don't know how sending him home to his parents will help his behavior at all.

Well I'm happy she reminded me that anklets are a thing!

Mannnnn, do we still have to give animals social media accounts? It's weird. My cat would have NONE of that mess.

Good for Kim. Joan Rivers is human garbage. Feed her all the Sunny D.

And I'm no friend to children, but that's just in terrible taste. It's downright embarrassing.

I went to my senior prom only, even though I'd tested out of high school junior year. I borrowed a dress, bought some cheapo shoes at Sears, and left my hair down. A big group of my best friends all threw down on a big limo. The prom was at the World Trade Center in downtown Portland, so we went downtown for dinner.…

Florence, Oregon, REPRESENT. The sand dunes are lovely as well.

Ugh, Dean McDermott. Yuck city. I'm sure it's delightful for your wife to read that you blame your infidelity on your marital sex life. A man is the sum of his undertakings, you fuck-ass.

Because when you do engage in sexual contact with someone who is too inebriated to remember it, they cannot legally give consent. That is rape.

I wouldn't even be mad, as long as I got my $$$ back. I love those janky chicken soft tacos. Legitimate romantic love. Luckily, my laziness overcomes my passion. The nearest one is about 10 minutes away in a town I have no reason to be in usually, so I only eat it like a few times a year, but I make that shit COUNT.

My cool body things are: my weird knuckles. They are all double-jointed and I still freak people out with this weird hand thing. My hips-rolling ability. I am a chunky, adorable Irish-Norwegian who hasn't taken dance since age 6, but my hips move like Shakira's (basically). I can roll my tummy, I can pop my booty. I…

A little pinot noir, quite a bit of beer, a shot of tequila as I closed my tab. BUT. I had a Sheaf Stout a few weeks ago, and it was DELICIOUS. I can't find it anywhere, and I am bummed because no beer since even matters. I drink them, but I feel like I'm cheating on my true love that I barely know.

The hardest thing is just not having someone there like there used to be, am I right? My last relationship ended a year ago and I still pang at that sometimes. But, at a month out, I wouldn't have thrown a party. I'd have still been in my make-it-through-the-day-cause-there's-wine-and-House-Hunters-at-home phase.…

I have family members who range from "spiritual" to basically evangelical, and I thank the good lord every day that my parents raised me to be nothing but a good person. They very clearly just didn't give a shit about organized religion, although we sometimes went to church to make my grandmother happy. Usually on…