I just get free jars of peanut butter and a new hooker from Laos each month.

How some films get so much hate unnerves me when all they really call for is mild apathy. Was anybody really that offended that much by a presumed to be terrible Depp film? Isn't this what we expect of him nowadays? If we could show young, 21 Jump Street Johnny the kind of fop he'd turn into almost 30 years later, I'm…

I'm sure it's on Pornhub.

Did they take into account the cost of his scarves and hats?

I've gone with Van Gough in the past for my characters. My last replay of New Vegas I went with Furiosa. I'm gonna need to really think about this.

Step skipper! This man is a step skipper! He skipped Step 9!

How about that guy's mom?

I see what you did there.

But it's crooked step! I mean, I'd have to list Tom Cruise and UPS if it were me!

Your mom?

Just… just lie. You can skip a step. No one's gonna call you on it.

What's the 4th step?

Sorry to hear. My condolences. Hope you're doing well.

I believe I will be receiving Fallout 4 for Xmas, so… that, since Beema's already claimed porno.

Sounds like you dipped into the bootleg copy of the Star Wars Holiday Special.

Not even the better stuff like Die Hard or Gremlins or Lethal Weapon or something with Bill Murray?

You as well, Splediferous! And have a Happy New Year!

TI Champions of Pop Culture Xmas Remix

Taking the skull won't bring back your goddamn dino!

Smoochie Wallace, as always ever, the voice of reason.