MY FAINTING COUCH, JEEVES, I NEED IT NOW.

Ms. Sarandon, as always, looks fabulous. If she wore that to my funeral it would make me reconsider this whole “afterlife” business, if only briefly. Piers Morgan is apparently channeling Mrs. Grundy these days, I hope he doesn’t get carpal tunnel from all that pearl-clutching.

Susan Sarandon is a queen and Piers Morgan needs to grovel at her feet like the peasant he is. That tbt tweet, my God, she's amazing.

Right. As if casting a person of color in these roles would be like casting an alien or something. As if human beings don’t share many, many of the same kinds of experiences or have the same desires.

I mean considering the number of men I’ve known who thought tampons were clearly being used as little dildos, I wouldn’t put it past them to suggest the applicator be ribbed.

its the only time when these kind of man can get an erection

A post has been making the Facebook rounds about a woman who sends pictures of her shits to guys who send her dick pics.

This woman is a true hero. I should celebrate by sending her pictures of my genitals, right?

You know it’s bad when the only highlight in the dirt bag is Gwyneth Paltrow.

Bitch can take SEVERAL seats. “Racist to whites” isn’t a thing, because racism is prejudice PLUS institutional power, and white people are the ones with institutional power. It’s 2016, and there’s frankly no excuse for such self-indulgent ignorance. She can come back once she reads a damned book: preferably, Ta-Nehisi…

Seriously. Why would you even leave the house with a face if you don’t want this to happen.

Sluts are getting so sneaky these days!

Well, I’ve done vast quantities of heroin and can attest to the incapacitative qualities of injectable opiates! Woo doggy! I might as well have been a box of kleenex.

You know, she probably hurt herself on purpose so that she could lure him into ejaculating on her face while she was unconscious and unaware. What a tease.

I take it to mean he’s a zombie.

I’m giving a pass. If you’re changing a dozen diapers a day and feeding 8-10 times per day, you can walk around with lefty and righty hanging out for all I care. You’ve earned that much. And a nap, you’ve definitely earned a nap.

Uhh, #momgoals anyone? If I ever have a little one I’m going to see if I can twirl the kid off my nipple like pasties in a saucy Vegas show.

So avert your fucking eyes, Wendy.

Yeah, why would someone NOT report a rape!

Same thing could be said about LOTS of career choices.