And honestly, if it means he’ll shut the hell up about it, I say give the baby his bottle.

That would be pretty awesome.

And like giving him the award would actually shut him up about it. Every meaningless honk emanating from his burger-hole would be prefaced with “I won the Nobel Peace Prize.”

Next time they will have to compete as “Athletes who were born, trained, and live in Russia, but really aren’t from Russia, trust us, wink, wink.”

If he resigns, he will have rid the world of a giant threat, so maybe he would kind of deserve it?

We were in a policy meeting
They were planning new ways of cheating

It’s a pretty simple, harmless mishap. The positive tests were marked with a +, which also looks like a cross, which could be construed as shorthand for “cross out”, which is the analog equivalent of digital deletion. Pure coincidence that it’s the same sort of innocent clerical error that happened from time to time…

Does it even matter? The whole ban at the 2018 Winter Olympics was a farce—oh boy that gold medal hockey team from OAR sure looked familiar! How about the IOC levels an actual punishment—stop this shit or all Russian athletes are banned from the Olympics, not just from competing under their flag.

Eh, that probably wouldn’t cover the interest due on his Bank of Putin Mastercard. 

““They gave one to Obama immediately upon his ascent to the presidency” Trump continued. “He had no idea why he got it. And you know what, that was the only thing I agreed with him on.””

That’s actually true, Don - they gave it to him simply for not being George W. Bush.  Now imagine the accolades the world will heap…

The Nobel prize comes with a cash award of about $1.1 million. That would increase Trump’s net worth by about 30 percent. Grifter looking to score. 

Someone tell him that he’ll absolutely get a Nobel Peace Prize if he resigns and promises to never run for public office again.

Too many coaches trying to play 4d chess the whole game when a straightforward checkers approach will do just fine.

As a long suffering Bills fan who knows better, I had no expectations for these Browns and I fiercely rejected their hype.

Freddie Kitchens came down with a severe case of Coach’s Brain, wherein you overthink a problem with a (relatively) simple solution.

At the very least, it’s a good thing that the guy is willing to stand up and face the press after a game like that.

I knew that comment would have a swift and severe backsplash.

An inexperienced coach needs a reliable brain trust around him.

Freddy Kitchens sinks even lower.