Bill Johnson didn’t even scratch the surface. Deadspin, you guys will want to start digging. Your next Kekua-level story is on Milwaukee’s East Side campus.

you know....you CAN RSVP no. That’s the whole point of them giving you the option....

That sounds exhausting.

Your problem is that you have too many friends. I don’t know 26 people well enough to be invited to their weddings. It’s cheaper that way.

I thought I knew what happiness was, and then Deadspin started posting about every Cardinals loss.

162 Games of Kristen

This is the most useless coverage on Deadspin. Please continue it for the rest of the season.

Villa’s owner used to own the Browns, so I guess it’s fitting that he exported the Factory of Sadness across the pond.

Agreed. Even if West Ham or a team like that doesn’t want him, one of the newly promoted teams will absolutely want him.

As bad as Villa’s defense has been; dear Jeebus Guzan has been awful.

“Coming soon to a lower league stadium near you: Jordan Ayew and a bunch of guys!”

Guzan has not even been MLS quality this season. He’s been a disaster.

Talk about the worst possible time to be sent down. With all the money coming into the EPL next year, it sucks to be relegated to the Championship.

I went to read something of yours at GQ and this is the ad they served up:

WARNING: Do not watch this video unless you are stoned out of your fucking mind. If you are however, watch it 10 times in a row.

LIKE FENIMISM!!1!11!!

I wish all of these retired NFL players could learn yoga from Diamond Dallas Page. The man’s a saint.

For 10+ years, I’ve been stating that my first born will be named D’Brickashaw. With that child due literally any day now, my wife is very much against it. But this timing is so perfect. Now she has to concede.

Guy can’t even draft a letter.

“12 and a half pages? How long did that take, like three years?”