NO NO ONE STOP THE PUNS

This picture could be in the dictionary under "foreshadowing"

I LOVE JOSH HUTCHERSON. Jezebel boyfriend, ver. 2.0, please, after JGL.

Alternate advice:

Before people get all huffy about going to the hospital for a migraine, intense head pain can be a symptom of stroke, even if no other 'classic' stroke symptoms are present. Maybe Kanye is being over cautious, maybe he has family history and is being suitably cautious. Either way, health worries blow for everyone.

at least miley makes her art herself.

To her credit, you could tell me this all was Jeff Koons and I'd believe you.

She is living out the dream of every burnout I went to high school with.

You better have skinny legs and a skinny waist to go with that big ass though, or else GTFO, right?

I was going to post a silly gif, but tears started streaming down my face. THANK YOU SO MUCH, JOE. Sometimes the years of war against women just fucking wears you down, so when you hear this so plainly by someone so amazing, it just blows you away.

Sophia has taken it to the next level in the Litchfield salon!

I don't really care about football, but I also don't really care about women. Is there some way I can use these two facts to make myself feel morally superior to everyone else without really accomplishing anything?

It's definitely slutty.

It will be extensively Instagrammed.

Come on, that was so obviously a fake relationship.

I like it when guys brag about how much money they make, because it let's me know to stay the fuck away from them.

TAYLOR IS PERFECT SO IS ONE DIRECTION

So, think about chicken pox. What happens if you get chicken pox? You can't get chicken pox again, right!

I deleted all the Cee-Lo from my Rhapsody library. Some of it hurt, but I can't be a Cee-Lo fan any more.