”I think I can-I think I can-I think I can-I think I can-” Up, up, up. Faster and faster and faster and faster the little police officer climbed, until at last he reached the incapacitated motorist.

I’m just going to say it Beyoncé sucks. All her songs are mind numbingly similar and every song has the same lyric over and over and over. I can’t handle it. At lest Elton will be on my side.

The trick is in the naming of the animal...if you name the pig Breakfast and the lamb Dinner you are going to have a hard time not thinking of them when you eat them...but if you name the pig Becky and the lamb Carole you will have no problem butchering and eating them because those bitches deserved it.

But how are his dick drawings?

I knew that guy holding up his bread and waving it around in the air was trying to get a reception and not just crazy!

The bet was for a 12 pack of Natty Light

Mine was Texas Chainsaw Massacre, once you realize it is fake the anticipation and fear can be fun and can help squelch other phobias.

Don’t forget to cut the Brussels sprouts for extra Isothiocyanates! More cut more flavor...

Not sure how they make the mac and cheese in those bags...but it is alway better than the box. ALWAYS.

What the hell is up with Pizza Barn? Everything looked great until I saw their what looks to be like Dog Shit Pizza? Wth is this!

If you are killed in the Elk crash the Soylent Green Truck will be at the ready to process your body and give it to the Elk’s family.

If you truly want your kid to get over watching a scary movie...show them more scary movies.

Just saw 30 year olds get red carded at an adult pickup soccer game for fighting and in the same weekend middle school girls volleyball parents screaming at their kids, all this shit is so pathetic. What happened to the fun?

It’s not a giant problem in France...French only loth people that are not French regardless of skin color.

I was just thinking about this combo. I am trying this tonight...

I’m holding out for Sexy Sonic.

If you drive for Uber and a creamy white fluid is leaking from you car, it’s jizz burn your car.

Drives me nucking futs when articles rave about a streamed show and don’t list what service it is under. 

If he cosplays as Sailor Moon he will get the boot. Show the booty get the boot.

Xmen was better.