How do you know that she's not "emotionally healthy"? She makes up lies on the internet for attention, and then makes up more lies to excuse them.

Umm no. You don't get a cuddle and gentle soothing as reward for flippantly accusing someone of rape, then letting it drag on for months before shrugging and saying "my bad, hope no harm was done, kthxbye!" Her lack of privilege (if she even has gone through any hardship) doesn't excuse or mitigate the damage she's…

I understand that reporting rape is extremely difficult and traumatic. However you should understand that being merely accusing someone of rape in the USA today can be a form of reputational assassination. I strongly disagree with the current situation where men who are merely accused of rape can be named in the…

Oh, you mean like the people who were ready to tar and feather Oberst and anyone who expressed any doubt about this girl's accusations from the very beginning? Please. She deserves to be shit on. She hurt not only Oberst, but real rape victims as well. She's a fucking piece of garbage.

Hi, I'm 73-time sportsball champion Dirk Largensturg. You know, in my years with the North American Team Play Association, I've learned a thing or two about throwing field punts and touchdowning home plates. That's why I hate abortion. Abortion is like throwing to a guy who isn't in position to catch the ball, except…

Here's to hoping Peyton Manning does his part to keep Planned Parenthood up and running in OMAHA, OMAHA, OMAHA!!!

Can Tim Tebow just go away? Please?

Only Brad Paisley is allowed to suck at a Brad Paisley concert!

I'm completely not buying this. The way surveillance tapes work is that they are copied over unless something happens and you have a need for them. No one would have tapes from 2004. Just would not happen.

I would say, based on my (granted, fairly limited) experience in a semi-high-end hotel restaurant with really cool decor, that the constant instagramming and picture taking definitely adds some time to the meal.

That one did some squeaky mews, and they all did much adorable camera-snootling, and I was just about lulled into d'awww preshush giant keedees! mode when every single one of them went off all I WILL FUCKING SLAUGHTER THAT MEATBALL GIVE IT BITCH. Eeep. Poor beautiful things, at least they were rescued from a life…

Women like Megyn Kelly, who spout insane regressive drivel that only serves to harm their own gender in return for a paycheck, make you realize why Dante dedicated the lowest circle of Hell to the traitorous.

I like to imagine that roar made this sound:

Kitty Perry...you're gonna hear me raaaaaaaaaarrrrr!

raaaaaarrrrrrrrrr!

That's the best screencap from any news story ever.

Imma let you finish, but the original attack cat had the best family 911 call ever. I love the transcription.

I think any prosecutor who ever has reason to utter the phrase "Your honor, we move that this 17-year-old boy's penis be forcibly injected with drugs" should probably be disbarred automatically.