This is CL Moore, a pioneer in fantasy fiction and sci fi. She will help you with your underwhelming COTD.

Our CR-V’s hood is still partially filled with dog food from a rodent that decided to stock up in our garage and hide it in there years ago. It hid it in the holes of the sheet metal bracing. The food rattles around every time you open and close the hood.

I had a similar, but less severe experience. I purchased a car than had been parked under an oak tree for about a year after the owner died. The engine compartment contained a rather large quantity of acorns. There were even acorns in the cabin air filter box (not sure how the squirrel(s) managed that.)

Why you gotta pecan this poor helpless rodent?

The owner is going to have to shell out some cash to fix this one.

Friend of mine parked his E46 Touring in an open-air lot down by the East River in NYC. I told him it wasn’t the best idea, as he didn’t really use the car much and it would be sitting there for long periods of time, and that he should park in the municipal lot I used up on Delancey. Couldn’t convince his cheap ass.

I guess the Nissan Murano engine isn’t quite as nutless as it appeared.

I promised I walnut make any jokes about this. I am sure it will cost and almond a leg to repair.  This just my opinion in a nutshell.

Squirrel chose the wrong den. They should have chose a Land Rover instead. Nobody would notice if the car stopped running and the owner probably has a spare to drive.

David, those circumferential rings are merely a means of determining the age of the engine. The variations can tell you exactly where the truck was driven at a given point in its life, as well as the quality of gasoline used.

There’s far more good out there than what we see. Bad news make for better headlines but we’re innately good. Faith in humanity should never be lost. 

Suppose Stevie hit a tree and die?

That feeling when Kinja messes with your gif

Stolen from an MGB forum, and it seems to apply here:

I thought you were supposed to breath through your eyelids...  like the lava lizards of the Galapagos...

Mission creep (I’ve heard it called “scope creep”) can also happen in reverse:

This is why I won’t go to the doctor - he can’t diagnose me if he can’t examine me.

My late husband had an accident one year. Left the Rambler in gear when he got out to help a young woman in a bikini. The Rambler crashed into a mail box, street sign and a taxi cab. The old fool didn’t care....he continued to help the bikini babe until the police came and arrested him for DWI. Stupid old goat. 

Okay, I get that this deal was kind of shady, and I have no personal rooting interest for any team involved. But I will shed no tears for the Yankees & Red Sox, two clubs that enjoy enormous revenue advantages over Cleveland. If the little guy pulled one over on NY and Boston, more power to ‘em. 

You can’t embarrass someone with no shame.