You know what they say, "When there's grass on the field, that's Wimbledon. The U.S. Open is played on hard courts, you stupid fucking asshole."

I wish that email had a face, so that I could punch it.

In response, Dungy issued the following statement:

It's nice to finally see the wife of a Raven drag their husband into something for once.

Calling Erin Andrews "gutless" only proves that TruBiotics works as advertised.

I really like Jack and Diane, though.

If you were interested in being fair, you'd have included the clarification Kelly gave when they came back from commercial—that he was simply impressed by her breasts, and that he planned to masturbate once the segment was over. A perfectly innocent explanation.

YEAH WELL YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN BAKING SO IT ISN'T REALLY YOUR PLACE TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT HERE. I AM ALL FOR THE RIGHTS AND CIVIL TREATMENT OF ALL PEOPLE TO BE ABLE TO MAKE COMMENTS AND BAKE FREE OF ANY HEAD SHAKING DISCRIMINATION FROM SO-CALLED WRITERS AT OVERLY LIBERAL WEBSITES!!!!!! NEXT YOU…

I wonder if you're completely aware about how this could be read.

Damn! Back in the day, I used to own him in my rotisserie league.

You misunderstand, Tom. He took the first shower after the game, and the second after he fell in those tar pits.

i don't use self checkout because that's someone's job that was taken away.

[presses record]

"And, Kent, I am happy to report that after repeated discussions with the bodega owner, I was finally able to confirm that Prince Albert is a free man, who was in no way confined within any sort of aluminum products on their shelves."

Your totally write about that!!!

As a final "fuck you" to the NBA, Sterling plans on dying tomorrow.

There are 500,000 Indians living in Qatar. Since 2011 around 450-500 Indians have died due to any number of reasons. Without diminishing the value of human life, I would urge you to at least consider those numbers for some sort of context to the mortality rate of that particular demographic.

I agree with Mr. Hughes, there is no comparison to be made between the Qatar World Cup and 9/11. One features migrant workers with poor conditions dying in the heat, while the other one provides all the luxuries of an inside job.

[dying]

Keith Olbermann: [reads Deadspin story]