Jesus Christ, this is a train wreck of a story.

That's not a good defense.

Undercover author.

Shutting the fuck up would help.

I did Nazi that coming.

Never mention the pool thing. Ever.

Next you'll say my degree from Tom Jones Upstairs Singing College is worthless.

Trump just found his running mate.

And when the oil goes dry after investing nothing in education or infrastructure these people are going to be back to running around the desert on camels, living in tents and chopping each other's heads off.

I really liked his Cajun flavored Ruffles.

Hockey players beat the fuck out of fans all the time.

“You won’t hurt me, there are rules for goalkeepers “

If she's reading gawker in heaven then double fuck her.

“Maybe we should take care of it here in Brainerd..”

That's what heroes do.

Id never be a teacher, man.

Nah, he's just an asshole.

Yeah and didn’t he get cut for using shit loads of drugs anyway?

Quick get Roger Goodell on the phone and ask how he deals with concussions.

“An’ I regret all them drug tests they said I failed.”