Shut up.

Because Jesus or his momma or something.

“What if I just kill everybody?”

He spent all his time behind the Ag barn smoking cigarettes with God.

I just talked to God and he says you’re a dumb ass.

cough....”Go Pats”...cough...flatline.

If my last thoughts on this spiritual plain when I’m on the doorstep of whatever heaven or hell awaits my soul in the afterlife are concerned with some overpaid doofus and his under inflated balls then make all the jokes you want.

Dying old ladies can be fucking idiots too.

I've never embarrassed myself like that yet but I'm scared its gonna happen.

Family reports that at the end they had been feeding her smoothies made with A/C filters and watch batteries.

Maybe related.

Forgot to fix her face.

Lock up the liquor stores I anticipate some “community activism” coming on.

That’s “toe” the line.

“Damn it, Ryan! That’s no Russian sub, it’s a 1997 Camry with a busted tail light!”

Doesn't Detroit already have a couple of bad pitchers?

I bet his teammates are stuffing bars of soap into their socks right now.

Yes Giselle, im sure you can’t go get the paper without a crowd of dirty men forming to offer you penis.

Ok so she's as hot as she is funny.

As in not hot?