The first thing I saw when I looked at his picture was the big white coke booger in his nostril.

“I have this migraine every day. I had a bad slip ... I hit my head on the cement. I have a lot of issues with my spine,” he said on Monday.

I’d like to give you a star tomorrow. Will you be home between the hours of 9am to 4pm to accept? If not, I won’t be available until next month.

That whole family doesnt have enough class to fill a jizz bucket.

I believe Herp-Derp is on the Trump family crest if I’m not mistaken.

Wherever they land, they should sell stadium naming rights to Comcast and become the OverChargers.

Tiffany: Shes not that hot. I dont know what dad sees in her.

😬

Correction POS elect (piece of shit)

A girlfriend of mine was drugged at a restaurant once. It scared the living fuck out of her.

If only she got one for Benghazi amirite?

Hillary called in a Spectre airstrike on Trump tower...

“Goodnight, friend.”

I’m not your friend, buddy.

“Goodnight, friend.”

People can rip on King all they want. He’s not Chaucer, thank God, but he’s absolutely hilarious which is the main reason why I read his stuff. I also read lots of non-fiction, so his books are like my mental palate cleansers.

Pffft. If I’m walking around shirtless it’s because I’m too lazy to go find a shirt, not because I’m hoping it’ll entice you to sleep with me.

Most dudes look disgusting with no shirt on, so the decline of shirtlessness is a good thing.