Can we chalk it up to it being an instance of him deliberately playing down things he doesn’t want to talk about and/or misspeaking in a way that would cause the press to lose their collective shit because he hates the media like my father hates his son?

I mean, probably isn’t true for, like, the 1400's. 

I mean, to be fair, like 80% of the WYTS entries this year (including this one) have contained one or more references to the Patriots, usually with some variety of “Fuck [so and so]”. 

Uh oh. Someone better find out when the barfing distance competition is airing on ESPN 8 so that Laura can’t be accused of not spriking to storts. 

I for one don’t believe they could have missed the day they were eliminated from playoff contention. Teams make a big deal out of opening day!

Oh, they issued a joint statement? Right after he gets busted for cocaine?

Sprik to storts, moran.

No, on the Patriots, that’d be James. 

At least he wasn’t caught spending time with Gal Gadot or Scarlett Johannson.

Well, maybe they’ll be bankrupt again on...

The second spider, obviously.

I for one was surprised to learn that Dan Snyder operates a stadium in Mexico. Makes sense to blame the vendors there, too. 

You know, I’m tired of ejections meaning you go into the clubhouse. They need to have an area of the field designated for people who get tossed. No shower, no communication, just a bench and a jug of water. If you want to have a temper tantrum, you need to sit in time out. 

That makes sense, since it was probably whomever was in charge of props...

I will believe the two are equivalent when the message that spawns out of this partnership references the social injustice and the power of standing for what you believe in, even against the people in charge of the NFL. That isn’t going to happen.

Dan Auerbach: “says you”. 

Just don’t display it when his wife is present, or you’ll have a perfect example of a sign that “can incite/provoke confrontation and lead to people getting hurt.”

My guess would be some combination of league bullshit and manufacturing difficulty. When you’re tooled for mass production, creating a new version of an old product isn’t easy. It’s why you see military forces with government budgets scrapping planes and tanks into parts: nobody will make those things, even if it’s…

I am unclear whether, in the constipation analogy, LeBron James is shit or THE shit. I’m also unclear how the fuck anyone is expected to learn English when being shit is bad, but being THE shit is good.

Because it’s such a small injury, I have no doubt he’ll be ready to start week one as the Colts start the season on the path to Super Bowl LVIII.