I for one hope this whole column is wrong. I hope the Browns succeed and win two superbowls back to back. I hope Baker Mayfield is inducted into the Hall of Fame based on those years. And I hope that his eternal bust in the Hall of Fame is taken from the picture at the top of this story, complete with confused…

The presumption that “the wealthy professional football team he plays for” can get one seems precariously balanced on the notion that the Raiders are, in fact, a professional football team.

Knowing nothing of soccer, I would have presumed this was a career-advancing choice. If you can’t fool your own team with an injury, how you going to fool a ref? Practice makes perfect, n’est-ce pas?

Shit, you’d think given the outcome, Belichick would have forgiven him for that miraculous catch by now.

Would you say that in this story about Chris Davis swinging at Hyde, all the people repeating the same thing are Jekylling the joke?

Ballhandler bobbles  buttery butt-balls 

I’m just here waiting for the inevitable leak that the female attorneys working the case make 89% of their make counterparts.

Center’s clammy crotch creates quarterback consternation. 

Considering the rampant mediocrity of self-described “real” Americans, I’d say Gase has effectively made his case for himself to be considered a “Real” coach.

So it’s basically Pueblo, writ large?

The Los Angeles Ponders. Both in homage to the ponderous takes emanating from the LA sports media, and the fact that they are and always will be several hundred years of erosion from being as interesting as the Lakers. 

Just wait until he can coach an entire roster of Riverses. Should only take Phillip and his mobile incubator a few more months. 

Yeah but who has slices of toddler just lying around?

It’s hard to disagree with any of the emails, but gawdamn if being accused of being the equivalent of a teacher in Worcester isn’t the absolute deepest-cutting insult I’ve see on WYTS.

The week lasted longer than the three days in which they played the Sox. 

I’m secretly hoping there’s an angel investor for the company behind this system who will make sure there’s one group of sensors that randomly fail multiple times a game and then accuses the MLB of being racist when it isn't used in the world series. 

And the cat is still paid more than the USWNT. 

The sad thing is that regardless of how many times a year I read about stupid comments from Pirates broadcasters, as a transplant to Pittsburgh from Boston, Pittsburgh sports media represents a step up from what I'm used to. 

Two attempts at insults. Both of which reflect more negatives about you than me. You, pookums, are adorable.

My condolences to your shift key, which clearly is dying a painful death.