I wish someone would knock you out in an elevator.

You know, the advances they've made in the flavor of decaf has been staggering!

$77.00 an hour?! That's a lot more than I make now as a pilot on United! Thanks, Google!

So when did people stop caring about you?

I'm sure even George Takei would think you're an asshole.

God, I miss phone booths.

Sorry, guys. This is the fastest police car in the world.

I see a lot of posts lamenting the price of the Tesla and how some seem to think they'll never be able to afford one. My Dad said the same thing when the cassette Walkman was $600.00 apiece.

Even Andrew Dice Clay?

She peaked in that awful Indiana Jones movie.

Really! There aren't any pictures of her tooting up, but there sure are pictures of him with his hands around her throat.

Semper Fi, motherfuckers!

Semper Fi, motherfuckers!

OK, so my Dad was doing some part time chauffeuring to get himself out of the house. So I send him to pick up Alan Alda at his daughter's house in a tony suburb of Boston. Now, Alda was always a hero in the house, as my Dad always made us watch MASH because he believed in his message, so he was psyched to drive him.…

Alan Alda is a scumbag. If I wasn't waiting for a client, I'd post the story. Later this evening I will.

And after it was over, did you take the world's longest shower?

Meh, call me when you need a Brazzers junkie.

Could be worse. Imagine sitting through "Django Unchained" with Richard Cohen.

I love how Smigel shows up in the strangest cameos. As one of the electronic store guys in "You Don't Mess With The Zohan" to the car repair shop owner on "Curb Your Enthusiasm". His best line from "Curb", "We're going to fuck their sisters........in the cunt!!!!!!!!".

Here's the deal. Robin Thicke is enjoying his 15 minutes. When it's done and the world has moved on to the next arrogant untalented asshole, Robin Thicke will be joining his old man selling timeshares or stay hard cream on Rush Limbaugh's show. So while you complain about how much of an asshole he is, his publicist is…