“Checking in.”

whoosh

“Neither my wife nor I eat out with the opposite sex.” = Totally reasonable

“I’m an asocial hermit. Also my company is of no value to anyone.”

I’m sure everyone will just make fun of Pence but there’s more truth here than you might think. I told my girlfriend she couldn’t ever have dinner at a restaurant with another man or even talk to one outside of work and what ended up happening? She left me for someone else so, you know, pretty clearly I was on to…

Commenting here instead of on Joanna’s article because we’re both men.

I’m racking my brain to think how MLB could recapture the magic of big games in neutral venues, and I’m coming up empty.

They’re speaking in hockey code.

There’s a “kneeling for the National Anthem” joke here that I’m just going to leave for someone else to take.

Uck. Gagne with a spoon.

You can stand under a steamy shower for days, however, and never run out of hot water, which makes it the best place in the world in my opinion. Additionally, while they believe in hill trolls they don’t actually elect them to the highest offices in the land.

Also, they believe in hill trolls.

I’ve been to Iceland AND Wyoming.

So what you’re saying is Jake Tapper needs to get a utility belt and on-brand boomerangs to throw at unruly guests?

Peter King came to my town once. Went to a diner and loved the coffee so much he drank four pots. Then he took a three flush shit. You could hear the splashing sounds from the sidewalk. Afterwards he comes out smiling, telling us all, “Hell of a toilet you got there. American Standard. Nothing like it.”

“Pardon me?”

Seeing as my trash talk doesn’t explicitly refer to my opponents by name but rather creates a obvious allegory about present circumstance with which they should identity, I’m more of a subwoofer.

Boston is like San Francisco if it was run by the KKK.

I am humbled and gratified that this comment received 2,500 stars.

Goddammit why can’t Deadspin just stick to spor