The last time I saw that many personlized handshakes Michael J. Fox was sending out Christmas cards.

An ex invited me to a show she was DJing that began at 1 in the morning. As in, I would leave my house at 12am, and one hour after midnight IT WOULD START. Girl no, I am waaaaaaay to 30 for that shit.

is this satire

Yup. APRIL FOOLS!

This is all your fault, Pete Carroll.

2 hands on the ball. Check

The Butt Action Trilogy is now complete.

Odd. Usually it's the Dollar General employee who gets attacked in a dark parking lot.

If only Hamilton and Alonso raced on the same team so we could get a better idea of who the better driver was given the same car...

Now walk it back (walk it back) Now walk it back ( walk it back) East side walk it back (west side walk it back) South side walk it back (North side walk it back) Walk it back like a foot mouth, If ya say its real talk i probly won't trust ya

King: This is delicious, Roger, really good chili.

Whoa. He's eating at Cheesecake Factory? $13 million won't be nearly enough.

I'd prefer an orange peanut.

We would beg to differ

And a guy on TV said they're both from families in the copper wire business.

Can you blame him? Mole is delicious.

The most damaging part of the drug test is that it revealed him to be a teenaged white girl.

"That's always how the story ends for the loyal ones. They never realize, until it's too late, that the loyalty ran one way"

Adhering to a strict Honey Nut Cheerios diet will do wonders for a man. Just ask KG.