I haven't seen a johnson render someone helpless like that since Lexington Steele's last movie.

@Wade McGillis: You could always rent the game and get a 48 hour code somehwere (from a friend, or on eBay) and see if you like it before making the outlay. I'd usually think you were trolling, but given your star I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

@Phintastic: Ever smoked a fag?

I know there are a few law-guys commenting on Deadspin. Is there any legal basis for this? Hard to believe that there could be for gifts of this nature.

@D-K: I don't think they got to choose their surname.

@Drew Magary:

started my own business"Therapist of Pro Athletes"

@HarvMalbert: Offline, sure. Online, no.

@OnlySlightlyCrazy: Agreed. They most likely 'finished' school to take up a post at the local rendering plant.

@xplosivetaco: @Nava707: My guess is that there is a pattern of some sort (30 seconds on, 30 seconds off). If it was insta-death there's no way anyone could run there (like dude said they can).

Congratulations to the Jets. Beating the Colts and the Pats in successive weeks is no mean feet.

@Always Winning: No chance, yours is much better. His is clumsy by comparison.

@Always Winning: The guy is tough to cover.

@ToddReesingsTurfFacial:

@All Over But The Sharting: Must be a UK/US English thing (we in the UK use bar, or at least I do!). Sharting is certainly a fine word. Hard to beat 'gooch' though, in my opinion.

@All Over But The Sharting: Shouldn't your handle be 'All Over Bar The Sharting'? Sounds better in my opinion. Not being rude, hope it doesn't come across that way.

@All Over But The Sharting: Needs more +1s. Terrific.

@Phintastic: I always laugh at how these little virgins have no idea of the actual logistics of sex. They sit in front of PornHub, beat their dick like it owes them money, then think they are fucking experts (literally).

@latinthunder: Ha!

@Maloik: Brilliant.