If a sadder block of text has been written in 2015, I will take your word for it.

Ironically, the head of his penis is shaped like George Clooney’s hair.

I need to see photos of this van

“Give me the Lloyd Christmas.”

When someone calls and asks him where he is, he says, “I’m in my office,” and sends a knowing nod to the bartenders. It gets ‘em every time.

I used to hate this man’s egghead haircut. Now I LOVE this man’s egghead haircut.

“Think ‘the derpiest comet entering the earth’s atmosphere’.”

BARBER: Really? Again??

Do you think he’s just like, “I want to look like the sunburned tip of Ronald McDonald’s dick”?

Jesus, this man resembles a thumb with teeth.

Their fans occasionally take 500 mile trips as well, though it’s to federal prisons.

Just Sayin’ ...

Hammond vapes? Dammit, Hamster! No! No! No! NO!

Evil Hammond’s brother confirmed.

engage mancrush

That’s unusual. Normally losing your head is reserved for referees in Brazil.

CarMax employment opportunity listing - Job Title: Actuary - Warranty Department

Have you ever seen Snowden and Scissorhands in the same place tho.

“Just six months later, the tilt steering column motor failed again”