Octopii are one of the most intelligent creatures on the planet and are actually required to be put under anesthesia if a procedure is needed to be done on them, because they are believed to have an understanding of what is happening to them.  If kept in captivity, they need to be in specialized tanks because they…

technically its an incel phone

“Hmmm. Misusing ICE is the only way I can get a boner.”

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

Conservatives:”Let the market decide”

I hope a bucket of paint falls off a ladder and lands upside-down on your head and gets stuck there and you stumble around with a paint-bucket on your head and crash into a ladder and fall down a manhole.

When you woke up this morning, did you think of yourself as someone who would call the teenaged survivor of a mass shooting a liar on the internet, or are you surprised to learn that about yourself?

Eh. If a client can afford that kind of law firm, I don’t really feel too bad that they had to pay 50 bucks for a late night deep fried smorgasbord. It probably pales in comparison to the hourly fee they’re being charged. Lighten up my friend.

South Carolina certainly didn’t feel this interested in standing for the US flag a little over 150 years ago.

Consulting. Next question.

These young men and, really, more and more people are seeing that these young men, and I’m telling you the papers have been writing about this and about how I’ve been very strong in this regard, these young, strong men can actually be tied together with, I guess it’s this type of plastic cord, plastic cord that is…

Bless your heart.

Thanks to a panel-wide misunderstanding of Asian geography and some nimble betting work, he won.

It’s like if you took a Nuremberg rally and made it wear cargo shorts.

Very impressive. Every time I try to imitate college I end up unspeakably lit and lose a shoe.

Maybe McGrath would feel more comfortable if the towel were a sheet instead.

Were you out all fucking night?

Little looks like every single white cop under 40.

Welcome to Trump’s America, snowflake.

1) Tweets are tech.