Does Side Chick No. 1 get promoted to Main Chick? Does Nick need the remaining moments of the year to advertise for and procure a new Side Chick No. 67?

Neither did your mother, evidently. That is, until I put in in her ass. That’s why your dad’s an alcoholic.

While it may seem incomprehensible, Northern Iowa’s miraculous victory highlights the importance of the training, the prayers, the vitamins and believing in yourself. Brother.

Wouldn’t you say that’s probably for the best?

Dri-Fit as an undershirt: God’s gift to sweaty people. It helps alleviate the anxiety around sweating, which is half the battle. And the collars never fray, so they can last forever.

Bill must have run out of Midol again. Don’t worry, Sports Guy, the cramping and bloating should only last a few more days. Watch some Bachelor reruns in the meantime.

What are you, a zombie OB/GYN? I’m betting that bastard child/freak gestates like crazy and snacks its way to freedom.

Zombie Kids do the damnedest things ...

Glenn gets his head turned into a canoe, and Maggie miscarries, allowing Zombie Kid to feast from the womb. That would adequately sicken and piss off the lead actor, I think.

They certainly had no respect for the sanctity of birthday cakes in that ’78 Yankees clubhouse.

Simmons has to do a “whatever the hell they will call his ‘30 for 30'” on those poor, innocent sports entertainers who were just performing for the crowd and got brutally Stunned into CTE Land.

Hey, you act like an asshole, you actions may lead to you dying like an asshole. It’s a hard knock life out there.